Well, we are Facebook official, as this weird generation seems to enjoy saying. My wife is pregnant with baby number three, and we both want a girl. We won’t know for a month or so what the expected gender is, but we will be overjoyed no matter the surprise.
Also, yes, the gender will be determined. Unlike our ridiculous contemporaries, we are not obtuse enough to believe that is relative or alterable based on the choice of the child.
We believe in science.
Anyway, we waited to officially announce it for various reasons. There is always the chance of a miscarriage, especially early in the pregnancy. Like most of you, we don’t want to share every emotional moment in our lives with the public. There are also elements of wanting to protect others from the pain and hurt of loss. The more I think of that one, though, the more I think it is a poor excuse. Family and friends, and likely even my readers here, would have been far more likely to reach out and comfort us if we had unfortunately had an early end to the pregnancy.
There are others to protect though. My wife and I have been super fortunate that we have had very little difficulty getting pregnant. We have family and friends who have struggled mightily at having children, and at the moment we learned my wife was pregnant, we had some close friends who were still struggling after more than a year with fertility treatments.
We can’t hide it forever, though. I guess in theory I could wrap my wife in large, thick clothing and have her dress uncharacteristically in sweatsuits for 9 months, but unless we go into hiding after that, it is pretty difficult to hide a baby.
They cry.
Now, we have 2 boys already so having another boy would seem the easier path. Less stuff to buy, for one. We can replace what gets too worn out, but hand-me-downs are much easier when you have a series of children of the same gender. So why do we want a girl?
Well, to tell the truth, my wife wants a girl more than I do. I would be unkind to ignore her desire to have a young girl to dress up, do hair, make up, and ultimately just have that bond between women that men can never truly understand. She has a loving relationship with our boys, who both adore her, but even at 5 and 3, it is becoming increasingly apparent that they want me. Now, they still run around me to get to her if they are embarrassed or hurt, but when they want to show something off, or they want help with something, she often looks at me and rolls her eyes when they run right past her and look for my approval.
It isn’t that confusing for why she would want to have a girl. Someone to hang out with and just do woman things with.
So for her sake, I really want a girl too.
You know what else, though? I want a girl for my own sake.
I was talking with my boss shortly after we found out and let him know about the pregnancy. He asked me and at that time, I told him I still kind of wanted a boy because I knew how to be dad to the boys, but that a girl would be nice for my wife.
It was his counsel following that glib remark that left me thinking.
He proceeded to tell me how he wished he had a girl. His children are all older and moving out of the house. He had boys. He said that sometimes they will go weeks without hearing from them and usually only then when he or his wife calls the boys to ask how they are doing or to schedule a holiday gathering. Then he told me about his friends who have girls.
The contrast was evident.
We sometimes make grand gestures about what makes girls more difficult. As a man, I have always thought it would be harder raising girls. For one, I am a guy. That means that I will never trust another male around any daughter of mine. I never should have been trusted around a woman, especially at an early age. Now I already don’t trust any men with my sisters or my nieces. My brothers and I have often joked about waiting for our oldest niece’s first real date, and all making sure to be cleaning our guns or slamming beers on the front porch and making sure the young man understands how much she means to us.
Then there are the hormones and the emotional swings. I experienced it with my sisters and with girls in school. Why would I desire to embrace that?
Well, my boss told me about his friends who have girls, who have now grown into women. These daughters never forget a birthday or an anniversary. They call at least weekly and never have their parents had to reach out to them to remind them they are still related. They help plan and coordinate the family events and the holiday gatherings. They also have a greater tendency to ask for help and to keep their parents informed about what is happening in their lives.
What my boss was essentially saying, is that everything we value about family, community and life is embodied in women. As that realization hit me, I started wondering how I am much closer to my own mom’s mother, and how much her father meant to me when he was alive. I recognized how I communicate with my own sisters just about as frequently as I communicate with my parents, and how they are almost always involved and know what is going on.
In my own life, women have meant a very great deal. That doesn’t mean the men in my life haven’t, but that without the women, I would be missing at least half of what, and who, I am.
So after thinking through and processing that information, I realized something. I think I want a girl more than my wife does.
Say your prayers for us. We want a girl. If God sees fit to bless us with a child, we will very willingly accept. We do hope the child is healthy, but we will embrace what God plans for us. It would be very nice to get a girl, though. It isn’t the most important by any means, but I think the blessing would continue for the rest of our lives.
In the meantime, we’re going to be shopping for a bigger car. You can help by making Amazon purchases through my link. It also gives you the added benefit of feeling like you’re supporting our economy and you can feign that you are concerned for the health of your neighbors. Win-win-win.
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