Just a couple days ago I wrote about my experience of trying to find an alternative way to navigate a difficult problem. Having damage done to my vehicle and recognizing that using punitive measures would help nobody, I opted to offer the culprit the opportunity to make restitution.
I don’t know if I would have been in a situation to do that if I didn’t have the money to absorb the loss in the first place. To be honest, sometimes we lash out emotionally when we are stressed out. Money problems can mean issues with putting food on the table, keeping the lights or the heat on, or even represent a chronic state of stress.
When I initially started writing my blog, a few of the first posts I wrote were discussing Dave Ramsey’s plan for budgeting and more advanced methods, like the Infinite Banking Concept, to try and gain some semblance of control in finances. No matter which method you use, I can promise you that if you don’t have cash in an easily accessible account for times when stress can rise up, that stress can be seriously debilitating.
Knowing this, I can say if I hadn’t been reading the book about punitive justice being ineffective and restorative justice being the goal, I wouldn’t have acted the way I did. My actions were facilitated by that, but my emotional stability was also largely the result of planning and saving that had left me feeling as though I was not vulnerable. The $1,000 expense was affordable, even if unfortunate. I was mad, but I wasn’t like a cornered, feral animal feeling threatened.
Not only does being responsible with money and your life lead to fantastic ripple effects and benefits, it allows you to be more of a blessing in the lives of others. There was another similar episode involving cars in which there was no harm to me, but which I was able to truly bless another couple who were not doing well.
I love doing some of the small maintenance on my own car. There have been a lot of times in my life when I simply didn’t have the time to invest in that. While I was going to school to be a physician assistant, I simply didn’t have the time to take away from class or studying to change the oil or replace an alternator. There have been other times as well, before I owned the tools or supplies, for instance, that time was precious and it was simply quicker to head to a shop and let a professional do the work for me.
This was one of those times. I had taken the car to the shop and wanted them to rotate the tires, align the wheels, and change the oil. While I was sitting there and enjoying a book waiting for the work to be done, a tow truck pulled into the lot. The truck driver dropped off the vehicle, and left a young couple at the shop with it. I could hear through the door an uncomfortable discussion where the couple embarrassingly told the driver they didn’t have the cash and listened to the man inform them that their card had been declined. They tried another one. Declined again. In a moment of pity, the driver settled for a fraction of the cost for the cash they had on them and left them to the shop.
When they entered the owner spoke with them and said they would get it in the shop and assess what was wrong. He would call them when he was done. They went back outside and I could hear parts of one side of the conversation as they were calling their parents to see if they could get some help. When they returned back into the shop, their parents had been able to help to the tune of around $300. Not only did they not have money, but their parents couldn’t help much.
If I have to draw the picture a little clearer for you, it was also getting dark outside and the shop was most certainly going to close in a couple of hours. This couple was stranded hundreds of miles from their intended destination and knew nobody.
They were desperate.
The shop owner gave them directions to a nearby motel that they could easily walk to and even called his friend who managed it and got them a bit of a deal to help save them additional money.
I felt the pain and the embarrassment. They had finished the work on my car and had it out to test drive it when they finished the assessment on the young couple’s vehicle. It was the transmission. The entire job would cost $1200 based on availability of parts in the area. I could tell by the look on the owner’s face that he knew they couldn’t afford it. When they showed up to ask about alternative options the young wife’s face has streaking mascara from her tears that had since dried up. The young husband looked sick to his stomach.
My car had returned and the keys were handed to me. I walked slowly out to my car and sat in the drivers seat for a few minutes. I knew I had to do something.
I was also in a position to help, because I had been responsible and saved for my own such emergency. After discussing with my wife, we agreed to pay for it. I was fully anticipating to pay $1200.
When they walked out, she reached to hold his hand and they slowly walked down the block to the motel they had been able to secure a room in. No matter their stress, they were still in it together. It warmed my heart.
I walked back in and the owner looked up with his own strained face and immediately commented to me about his sorrow for them. It didn’t take long for us to work out a deal. I would pay $700 for the parts, and he was going to cover the labor. I wrote the check right then and there.
Will I ever see that couple again? Probably not. I wouldn’t recognize them if I did, and I now live thousands of miles from that location and have no idea where that couple was heading. A few months later I was back at that shop for the other vehicle, though, and the owner told me how grateful they were. They had both broken down in tears when they heard the news. He told me they both said they hadn’t slept all night trying to figure out how they were going to pay for it and asking for help from family with no success.
That is the ability that you have to pour into the lives of others when you have planned and prepared to not be in that position yourself. I watch people call for compassion all the time while making irresponsible or immature decisions that render them incapable of responding to the needs around them. People taking vacations or refusing to work any more than 40 hours a week calling for higher taxes on people working 80 hours a week.
If we want a better world, we have to make a better world. That starts with us, and you can’t call others to a higher calling if you are living in the gutter.
Fix yourself.
You will probably need God for that, but I promise your effort will be rewarded.
You can listen to The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey for free if you get an Audible membership, and they are offering free trials if you are new. Start changing your mind about how you view money today.
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