Sitting around and writing some posts for my growing readership, I started to feel the pressure to come up with another topic. I have several queued up for posting and a few more to write about, but none of them felt right for today. I decided to open it up to my family for suggestions and the first response I got was from my youngest. He told me I should write about him.
Fine.
He was asleep when we made our Labor Day trip back from the rescue park for exotic animals. Full of his own cute moments, he was unable to provide one on that fun journey.
There is a real problem that parents with more than one child can relate to. It is a fear that since you experienced so many firsts with the older child, that the next child or even children that follow will never feel as special.
I can tell you definitively that is false.
Some things feel a little too repetitive and they reignite those inherent fears. Sometimes he looks just like his brother. Partly by choice, of course, because he absolutely adores his older brother and often mimics that behavior…both good and bad. Under it all, though, is the excitement of realizing he is a very different little person. He is complete with his own quirks and mannerisms.
For instance, it wasn’t until the younger boy that one of my children tried to argue that because he said “please,” I was somehow required to do what he asked. He always seems to make these cases at the least opportune moments, and I am beginning to believe he does it intentionally. It isn’t enough to ask for a cookie after he finishes dinner. Instead, this child of mine has the audacity to wait until he has changed into his pajamas, flossed and brushed his teeth, and is supposed to be picking out a book for his bedtime story. That is when he decides he needs a sugary snack. The answer is always “no” at that time, but it doesn’t keep him from pleading his case.
He also has this really scary knack for thinking he is as old as his brother. He doesn’t cry often, though, despite launching himself from heights that he should never be climbing to. Even when he does cry, most of the time a little kiss of the spot that hurts makes him immediately better.
It took a while to convince him that we could kiss our fingers and place that kiss on him through some imaginary transitive property, but our hands were tied the first time he tried to make me kiss his butt. He kept crying and insisted that his pain would only get better if I puckered up and gave him a smooch. The laughter that ensued as I firmly told him, through tears of laughter, that I was not going to kiss his butt, may have aided the convincing. Now we don’t have to worry about making out with his backside.
Probably most notable is the apparent reduced need for parents from the first child to the second. When we were busy, we could often distract the oldest with a toy or try to maximize nap time, but when he was fussy, we ultimately had to stop doing something we were engaged in to console him. The second gets the benefit of having an older sibling to provide some of that entertainment. I repeat, he absolutely adores his older brother. I can’t say that enough.
He wakes up from his nap, and when I’m home often comes over to cuddle for a couple minutes. As he gains his bearings and familiarizes himself with his surroundings, he quickly remembers that his older brother is somewhere in the house. It is usually just a matter of precious cuddly moments before he squirms off my lap and starts yelling his older brother’s name while running from room to room to find him. As he has gotten older, he has also served a similar role to his older brother. Sometimes they fight, but they can often disappear for hours and entertain themselves building forts with the couch cushions or getting every piece of every toy out and spreading them evenly across the floor as if they inherently understand the concept of diffusion in their youth. If they could suspend items in midair to increase the experience, I guarantee you that they would.
Every day is a science experiment. Almost certainly the younger is the initiating force. It is either his own willingness to destroy every item that he touches, or the entertainment that he takes in random acts that his older brother now participates in simply to show off for him. The older is often doing things he knows are naughty just to show his younger brother that he is willing to do them. He also does things he knows his brother can’t in order to separate himself. That references back to the youngest launching himself from heights he has no business climbing to.
Not only will he leap from high chairs or the back of the couch, he also thinks he can learn karate with his older brother. Their method of learning is often to practice kicks and jumping from things for their “ninja training.” It is mostly my fault, because I thought it would be fun to watch the old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and since that day, every time they start acting funny and I ask what they are doing, they inform me they are training to be ninjas. Entertaining as that is, this often devolves into them showing each other how hard they can kick, which they prove by trying to take each other out.
I’ve watched this devolution in person. It most frequently starts when the youngest wants to stand exactly where his older brother is, because it would seem that particular square of carpet is imbued with special powers. The older then determines this is unacceptable. The result is almost never immediate violence, but a subtle “shift in training.” They are no longer practicing their skills in air, as that phase of training ends as soon as the oldest offers to spar. He doesn’t just hit when this takes place. He offers to practice with his younger brother who thinks this is the greatest thing that his brother wants to practice his ninja skills with him.
They are boys after all. The older inevitably hurts the younger, infrequently the opposite, and my youngest then comes to ask if I will kiss his butt.
Life raising boys is a vicious cycle.
The point is that they are both unique. It is different with the second, but it is not even a little bit less special or unique. They play off of each other and both play such an important role in one another’s life, that even if he wasn’t special to us in his own way, having another child still would have been completely worth it just to see the way they enjoy one another.
If you are wondering whether you should have another or adopt another, then don’t. Just stop. The answer is yes. These precious young people are all special, and I have no doubt that if I had 15 of them, they would all be especially unique in their own way.
Raising these boys in my life has been second only to loving God and loving my wife. Everything else trails considerably behind them. You can bet that I will ensure that as long as I live, I will provide them the best education that I can. It won’t stop until the day I can no longer help, because watching them both develop is too rewarding. Fortunately, Tom Wood’s has already done so much work for me with his Liberty Classroom.
These nuggets of wisdom from a father trying not to laugh too much or too little are yours if you subscribe and available to your friends if you share. Please do both to help us out, as we are likely only one ninja kick away from an emergency room visit and after replacing everything they break, retirement plans look bleak.
